Visiting the past

I’m in NC for the weekend. I’m visiting family and seeing friends. I just had lunch with a young lady that I have known since High School. Ofcourse she is now married and has a kid. She is still looking as good as ever and is doing great. I’m jealous. But back when she would’ve had me, I was an ass. Tonight I will go out with another woman, one that I had a crush on long ago, since 3rd grade….. I haven’t seen her in 12-13 years.

I will update you, my loyal readers, with more details once I return. I am once again about to go on another short notice business trip. I love the travel, but unfortunately it keeps me single.

Tired

As I mentioned, I am rotating my schedule around right now. I would normally be going to bed right now, but I have to keep myself up and going for about 8 more hours… I am tired already. I am going to try and read about 15-20 pages of Philosophy, then play on my computer for a little while. I am still a little behind on my class, but gaining on it pretty fast. I slacked in the gym tonight. I went way to soon after my meal and my stomach was to full to do any real exercising. i rode the bike for a little while at a slow pace. Hey, at least it was something.

Tomorrow will be a very busy day. I am looking forward to it. ~~K

Work, Marraige and sex

I work in a unique environment. I work around some of the most dedicated, hard working, and smartest men in America’s armed forces. We take impossible problems and come up with practical solutions every single day. Most of them work hard and play hard. I just work hard, never really been the playing type. I have a lot more I want to say, but I think this isn’t the appropriate forum.

I took my current post about 3 and a half years ago. I took over, assessed and restructured the way my group of men handle business. I spend most of my time, even while deployed, training men. I have spent a lot of the last years or so training 2 guys to untimately fill my position. One of which was my primary choice and focus. I evaluated him, pushed him hard both in combat and at home. A few months ago he was selected for promotion to my rank and I allowed him to step into my position to feel his way around while I am still present. Long story short, he learns while I make sure the mission doesn’t fail. So yesterday he comes up and sits on my desk (which usually means he needs my help or advice) and what comes out of his mouth shocks me. He is being accused of sleeping with another Soldiers wife. Now I just recently testified on behalf of another Soldier friend of mine that was accused of the same thing initially. It ended up that they just sent some inappropriate text and email between each other and never really slept together. However an inappropriate relationship from the Army’s standpoint encompasses a lot more ground then just having sex. So, bottom line my friend is being punished and removed from our organization. Back to my current situation, my subordinate / peer has got us into some trouble. He is ultimately guilty of the same offense and will probably pay a simliar price. He was vital to the future of our group. Now a massive hole has formed in my formation with no-one even close to being trained up to fill the position. It generally takes about 2 years for a guy at my rank to come in from another organization, get trained start thinking on his own. Growing one fro scratch usually takes even longer. This will likely leave me laying awake for a few nights to come and apply some higher levels of stress to my days…… A few more weeks and hopefully I will be selected for promotion to the next grade. I will likely be reassigned, if I’m selected, and will leave this group to fight for itself. However this causes me considerable heartache. I have spent the last few years pushing this group of men into record setting condition that will likely go to hell without a trained and experienced leader…. oh hell………. The “F” word just comes to my mind over and over to describe this mess. I forgot to mention that he is also married…… What a F…ing mess he has created.

This next week will not be fun in the least. I am filling in for my boss. Which in all likelyhood will mean I will end up handling most of the above situation. Although he is one of my best friends I will not pull any punches. He will enjoy the full wrath of military law.

Back to my life….uggg…

Well after about 10 days off work i decided on Wednesday night to go ahead and return back to work on Thursday morning. It all started nicely with an hour swim, then back to the office. I have to admit I have become very good at what I do. I was literally caught up with email and office BS in about 15 minutes. I quickly realized I really didn’t have anything to do…. Both Thursday and Friday both started well with some exercise but after that they quickly returned to the place i have began to hate. Hopefully about one month or so from today I will be selected for promotion. That will open a new door for my career. Hopefully it will restart the challenge I love about my job. I am done with my current position either way. I may take over a new, for lack of a better word, assessment platoon for my current company if I dont get promoted. We will see.

This afternoon I am going over to my best buds house for a b-day party. His mother in law is getting another year older. Should be nice. His entire family and I are good friends. I spent the morning picking up all the limbs in my yard from the passing storm. We were very lucky that we didn’t get the inches of rain that other areas did. I was asked out tonight by a woman on one of the dating sites. Just by reading her profile I am not attracted to her, but i may go out anyway if for no other reason but just to keep me out of this house.

On that note, i have a ton of projects going on around this house. I just cannot seem to get myself to do any of them that are indoors. I can go outside and work all day and have made some headway in the yard. Inside however, nothing, absolutely nothing……. I so need a woman to take charge of my life aka girlfriend…

Just another today

Well i was scheduled to head up and over to Seattle yesterday, but ended up having to cancel. I had a few issues i had to take care of here. Last Friday I officially turned down both of the positions i was being offered here. So if I get selected for promotion next month I will have to be reassigned to another post. Thats what I want anyway, I want change. I have been assigned here probably a little too long. At this point I don’t care where I end up…..

Nikki has still been on my mind, but it’s improving. I just throw away everything I find that was hers or anything of mine that may bring back painful happy memories. Slowly but surely I am coming around. I think I will begin dating again soon. I will probably end up taking all my pain and suffering out on some woman somtime. Who, by the way, won’t deserve it.

Overdue

It has been a few moments since my last post. Life is impoving but I am not there yet. I am still pretty much down in the dumps over “the break-up” that happened 5 weeks ago. Work has been busy, yet very unfulfilling. I have been to the beach and relaxed a few times during the past few weekends and that will most likely be the one thing I do outside of my house tomorrow. I really enjoy relaxing on the beach.

Nikki has continued to cause pain and suffering in my world. She hasn’t ben bothering (calling or anything), I just cannot seem to remove her from my heart and mind. I have been hanging out with a couple of my girl-friends lately. They have been trying to pull me up from this and they are doing a fair job. I’m a hard nut to crack. They ofcourse dislike the thought of nikki and would probably prefer that she die in some horible motor vehicle crash thi evening. On the other hand, here I stand wanting nothing more then to have her back, but at the same time pretty sure I wouldn’t take her back if she tried. Everywhere I go I fear seeing her. Moved on and happy with someone else… I re-opened my yahoo personals page and no sooner then I had done so she checked up on me there. Even in her profile it mentions moving on. ARGH!!!

Work has sucked more then it ever has lately. I have let my bosses know tat I would like to move on to another assignment after the promotion board results are released sometime later next month. Whether i get promoted or not I imagine it will be at least 6 months before I get anywhere new. And that ofcourse is by the fastest means possible.

Well, I am going to lay around the house for the rest of the evening. I worked half the day away today at the office. Now I am tired, bored and lazy. Three things that make up the most terrible combination. Nite—K

Random Tuesday

I will start with other news then Nikki on this post. I will talk about my job and it’s current drain on my happiness. I will expand a little on my previous post.

I love my men. I would give my life for 99% of them in an instant without any hesitation. I have a few loyal superiors, peers, and subordinates which I would do a lot more then just give my life to save. My small platoon of men are capable of nothing less then miracles in our field. I serve them each day with the utmost loyalty. I believe in what I do and I know that they do also. So, I mentioned I would like to move in the next year to Seattle. I am still hoping that the thought may become a reality. Lately I have been thinking, actually I woudn’t mind going anywhere. To any station Uncle Sam chooses, anywhere in the world. There are men posted around and above me that would love to see this move happen much sooner rather then later. Its a big game that has been playing out before me over the past few months. It is drying up my little happy world and increasing my already overwelming hate of people.

I took the morning off and drove to Jacksonville to have my car serviced. During my near 2 hour ride to the dealership, Nikki nearly had me sick a few times. On the way home she was present much less. On a sidenote, I did look at some pretty new cars. Maybe in a few months I’ll buy myself a new toy. OK, enough babbling, I’m off to bed, 5AM comes around quick.

Good news

Although Nikki is still ruining most of my days and nights, I have to report that I do feel better. I don’t feel good, but better then bad. The images of her in my head are becoming more spaced out. Hopefully another 2 or 3 years and I’ll be good as new….. ha.

I’m getting ready to head into the office in a few minutes. I have allowed my men to sleep in a little so they could go see a movie at midnight last night. Sometimes I’m way to giving… I lie, I rarely give. Yesterday I told my boss that I officially want a new job at a new station. There is nothing either of us can do about it until about 2 months from now when the promotion board results are released( fingers crossed!!) Looking for Seattle to be my next home. Maybe move in the beginning of next year. There are other places available though, we’ll see. I must run for now. I want t get to the office before my children so I can actually get something done!