After a time consuming analysis of my life, I have realized much that I already knew. My life sucks. Sure I’m financial stable, I have a nice home and a nice car. I have surged ahead of my peers at the office.
I hate my life.
Generally speaking I have very few real friends. I’m only called upon when there is work to be done or a problem that needs resolution or last but not least when they need a loan.
I hate my life.
This past week proved to be a very demanding week. I was telling the young lady I am talking to (the same one I mentioned a few weeks ago) that it wasn’t physically exhausting, it was mentally exhausting. I watched the creation of the case against one of my best buds, well I thought best buds. Now I am beginning to have my doubts. I guess I’ll go on to side note really quick. I am one of those people that will stand up and sheild my men with all my might when it comes to just about anything. But you must come clean with me. Now I have watched the evidence stack up against my co-worker, the man I have spent the last three and a half years growing to take my place. And yet still he doesn’t seem to be telling me the truth. I know that the evidence will never match up from both sides, but it does not look good.
So, the upcoming week looks to be one were I could find myself alone in an office slotted for 12 men… Four of which should be of the rank of Sergeant First Class such as myself and the rest should be Staff Sergeants. We are spread a little thin these days. I am already hard at work on my plan to refill my Platoon’s leaders. Time will tell. Meanwhile I should know in about 10 days or so whether or not I have been selected for promotion. I have my fingers crossed. I wasn’t nervous about it at all until everyone started asking me about it nearly every 5 minutes. I had myself all calm, after all if I get overlooked and selected next year I will still be a few years ahead of my peers…
So as previously mentioned I am still talking to the same girl. She is very sweet and seems to care. I haven’t seen her in two and a half weeks though. She went out of town to see her parents for 9 days, then came home to work 12 hour days for 6 straight. She works a lot. I work a lot. I am not so sure how I will ever meet and be able to maintain with anyone…… I will continue to talk with her, we have some wonderful conversations. We can easily find ourselves on the phone for hours… We soothe one another. Did I mention she lives about an hour drive away? It makes it even harder. This week I needed someone to sit and talk with, but the position went unfilled. Her and I talked over the phone almost everyday, but I can’t talk about work over the phone. I guess we will have to work something out. I will keep you posted~~~~K
Well i was scheduled to head up and over to Seattle yesterday, but ended up having to cancel. I had a few issues i had to take care of here. Last Friday I officially turned down both of the positions i was being offered here. So if I get selected for promotion next month I will have to be reassigned to another post. Thats what I want anyway, I want change. I have been assigned here probably a little too long. At this point I don’t care where I end up…..
Nikki has still been on my mind, but it’s improving. I just throw away everything I find that was hers or anything of mine that may bring back painful happy memories. Slowly but surely I am coming around. I think I will begin dating again soon. I will probably end up taking all my pain and suffering out on some woman somtime. Who, by the way, won’t deserve it.
This morning started a little interesting, yet very Army. I spent the second hour of my day on a bus bound for the main army post close to my little assignment. I spent part of the third hour being spun upside down in the cab of a HMMWV. It is a trainer designed to teach us how to egress a truck if it rolls over. It was easy. However, it would be easier with out 70-80 pounds of kevlar. I have been in a similiar trainer designed for helicopter egress training. Except it dropped me in the water and spun me upside down. Afterwards another hour of bus riding. I had a quick lunch and then took most of the afternoon off. I went by the education center for a little while. I am trying to get my college crap together. I ran by and got my haircut, then home.
Since I have been here I have done a fair amount of hating my life. I hate most everything i am right now. I need change. This last break-up has crushed my morale. I don’t know what about it that was so beautiful to me, but it was. I assume, just like everyone says, time will wear off the pain and I will move on. Nikki…. what a pain in my soul……
Another step in the right direction today. Nikki has been removed from all online accounts and my phone. I remember all of them, but it’s just the gesture that matters. She was pretty cold with me last night and the more I think about it, the madder I get on the subject. I continue to think of her often (every second), but it’s getting better. I am moving forward.
On an entirely seperate note, one of my many supervisors has signed me up to ride my bicycle 210 miles in two days sometime in early September. It’s the wounded warrior ride in VA. It’s supposed to benefit the many wounded Servicemembers out there. Now don’t get me wrong I want to do it. However I haven’t rode one mile on my bike since early March and training for something this big takes a second. I plan on getting out some this week. I may ride 15 or 20 miles a day, but that’s a long way from 105 miles a day, two days in a row. I’m sure I will be mentionig this some more as I get my little butt in shape.
So, Nikki and I just spoke via an instant message briefly. Nothing was really said, but i could tell she (as she has said all along) is happy with the decision she made. I remain pretty heartbroken by it. However, although i didn’t want to, I deleted her off of all my pages. I don’t want to be able to see her updates and overall happiness while I suffer. I tell you, just seeing hello caused my stomach to twist into knots. Sleep is probably going to come at a high price tonight and eating over the next few meals will probably slow also… I hate my personal life. Anybody wanna take care of a mostly broken up army guy…….?
