So, i have dated a wide variety of women during the past few years that have encompassed my entire adult life. I have dated single, married, divorced, widowed and just about any other combination of those. I have dated white, black, tan, yellow and just about any color combination two humans can produce. I have dated wealthy, very wealthy, dirt poor and just your plain ol’ average middle class. You could say I have dated end to end across the broad spectrum of women. Few were even close to what I saw myself needing. Some were exactly what I did not want or need. But they wanted me and at the time it sounded much better then being lonely. As look back on my life, however, i feel like I have been alone a lot more then not. Even with the literally 100s of women i have dated, i still feel and have felt very alone. I have been advised by the successful and the broken-hearted and niether have provided me with any insight I didn’t already know. I have a lot more on my mind concerning this, but just don’t know how to display it. For now I will call it a night.
Just another today
Well i was scheduled to head up and over to Seattle yesterday, but ended up having to cancel. I had a few issues i had to take care of here. Last Friday I officially turned down both of the positions i was being offered here. So if I get selected for promotion next month I will have to be reassigned to another post. Thats what I want anyway, I want change. I have been assigned here probably a little too long. At this point I don’t care where I end up…..
Nikki has still been on my mind, but it’s improving. I just throw away everything I find that was hers or anything of mine that may bring back painful happy memories. Slowly but surely I am coming around. I think I will begin dating again soon. I will probably end up taking all my pain and suffering out on some woman somtime. Who, by the way, won’t deserve it.
Another Monday on my side of the planet
This morning started a little interesting, yet very Army. I spent the second hour of my day on a bus bound for the main army post close to my little assignment. I spent part of the third hour being spun upside down in the cab of a HMMWV. It is a trainer designed to teach us how to egress a truck if it rolls over. It was easy. However, it would be easier with out 70-80 pounds of kevlar. I have been in a similiar trainer designed for helicopter egress training. Except it dropped me in the water and spun me upside down. Afterwards another hour of bus riding. I had a quick lunch and then took most of the afternoon off. I went by the education center for a little while. I am trying to get my college crap together. I ran by and got my haircut, then home.
Since I have been here I have done a fair amount of hating my life. I hate most everything i am right now. I need change. This last break-up has crushed my morale. I don’t know what about it that was so beautiful to me, but it was. I assume, just like everyone says, time will wear off the pain and I will move on. Nikki…. what a pain in my soul……
One more day down
Another step in the right direction today. Nikki has been removed from all online accounts and my phone. I remember all of them, but it’s just the gesture that matters. She was pretty cold with me last night and the more I think about it, the madder I get on the subject. I continue to think of her often (every second), but it’s getting better. I am moving forward.
On an entirely seperate note, one of my many supervisors has signed me up to ride my bicycle 210 miles in two days sometime in early September. It’s the wounded warrior ride in VA. It’s supposed to benefit the many wounded Servicemembers out there. Now don’t get me wrong I want to do it. However I haven’t rode one mile on my bike since early March and training for something this big takes a second. I plan on getting out some this week. I may ride 15 or 20 miles a day, but that’s a long way from 105 miles a day, two days in a row. I’m sure I will be mentionig this some more as I get my little butt in shape.
I feel horrible
So, Nikki and I just spoke via an instant message briefly. Nothing was really said, but i could tell she (as she has said all along) is happy with the decision she made. I remain pretty heartbroken by it. However, although i didn’t want to, I deleted her off of all my pages. I don’t want to be able to see her updates and overall happiness while I suffer. I tell you, just seeing hello caused my stomach to twist into knots. Sleep is probably going to come at a high price tonight and eating over the next few meals will probably slow also… I hate my personal life. Anybody wanna take care of a mostly broken up army guy…….?
