Many have died……
Thoughts
I am a great man when looked in on from the outside. I have a great job, nice car, nice house, and I have been smart with my money for the last decade.
Why do I feel so empty inside? No-one seems to want to give me the time of day in the dating world. Maybe is there is no puzzle piece that connects to mine…
It’s been a long time
After a time consuming analysis of my life, I have realized much that I already knew. My life sucks. Sure I’m financial stable, I have a nice home and a nice car. I have surged ahead of my peers at the office.
I hate my life.
Generally speaking I have very few real friends. I’m only called upon when there is work to be done or a problem that needs resolution or last but not least when they need a loan.
I hate my life.
Restless
I was very, very tired so I allowed myself to drift off to sleep on the couch. I woke up about 1130 and moved to the bed. My lady friend called, about 1215. Nothing but bad news there. I asked her to give it to me straight and ofcourse I am not the only guy in her life. Which figures that a woman like that is juggling a bunch of men. I will probably move on. She also finally came clean about going to the formal with me… This is the best part. She may go with someone else! How embarassing! If I don’t have a date, which I won’t because i will spend most of the next month out of town. I have decided I just wont go. Which depresses me terribly bad. I really enjoy those events, but alone just isn’t cutting it anymore. My motivation levels have just bottomed out. So here it is a little after 2am and I cant seem to get comfortable. I have alot on my mind, women, work and more work. I don’t feel so good…… I think I am going to stand in the shower for a minute. Work is only two and a half hours away.
I feel horrible
So, Nikki and I just spoke via an instant message briefly. Nothing was really said, but i could tell she (as she has said all along) is happy with the decision she made. I remain pretty heartbroken by it. However, although i didn’t want to, I deleted her off of all my pages. I don’t want to be able to see her updates and overall happiness while I suffer. I tell you, just seeing hello caused my stomach to twist into knots. Sleep is probably going to come at a high price tonight and eating over the next few meals will probably slow also… I hate my personal life. Anybody wanna take care of a mostly broken up army guy…….?
Up this morning before the break of day
I titled this after the first line of a popular cadance sung by military men everywhere. It does describe what time I woke up this morning. I tried to get back to sleep and did suceed in 15 minute intervals. Nikki just pained me…..
So, as you’ve read I came to NC to pass the weekend not sitting in my house depressed. However, I have found my depression increasing even though I’m here. I’ve tried to keep myself busy. I went to the beach yesterday. Followed by the mall and then over to a good friends house for a little while. My mind just has it out for me. I’ve gotta find someone to pal around with in Savannah when I return tomorrow or its not going to be a good week. I miss me.
