1 step forward, 50 back

Today was a nice day. I had breakfast with a friend. I had lunch with another. I went to a movie with yet another. I toured the mall, best buy, and rooms to go (didn’t buy anything). However, today I felt worse then I have felt in a long time on the inside. Thoughts of Nikki make me physically sick. My stomach turns and grumbles with each thought. I am scared that I may see her in passing or even worse, with someone new. This has to be the longest recovery I have ever had. Things have improved, but damn….

On a better note, this weekend was made up of things that I enjoy doing. I went to the beach for a little while yesterday. I am getting out of the house, but I don’t know how much good it’s doing!! HELP, HELP, HELP!

I feel horrible

So, Nikki and I just spoke via an instant message briefly. Nothing was really said, but i could tell she (as she has said all along) is happy with the decision she made. I remain pretty heartbroken by it. However, although i didn’t want to, I deleted her off of all my pages. I don’t want to be able to see her updates and overall happiness while I suffer. I tell you, just seeing hello caused my stomach to twist into knots. Sleep is probably going to come at a high price tonight and eating over the next few meals will probably slow also… I hate my personal life. Anybody wanna take care of a mostly broken up army guy…….?