I married her. I wanted it and I jumped at the opportunity. I am so happy with my decision. If there is one person on this globe that I can see myself with it is her. In a few days we will be totally moved in and be the not so average American family. Next will be something I was one-hundred percent certain I would never have in my life, kids. I’ve never be sure or unsure if I wanted them or not. I was becoming fairly sure that I would never get married, so with that, no kids. But now, I have found this perfect girl who loves and I love her. Only one place to go from there, kids. I am excited! We are doing a little wedding ceremony in February, mostly for our parents and so she can wear a dress and walk down the aisle. I fully support it. I’m planning the honey moon now. It’s going to be splendid.
Although, I am certain it is nothing; it continues to eat at my well-being. This ex-man of hers continues to insert himself into her life. It’s a “hi” here and a “how are you” there. He leans on her when he is down, etc. She has been very secretive and even lied about it and it’s made me overly insecure on this one. I made her aware of my insecurity and tried to explain it to her as best I can, but still his calls and text come rolling in. Once she said she understood and was going to ask him to leave her be, but that hasn’t come to light. Every other time the subject arises, usually via a message from him, it’s just my fault that I’m uncomfortable and she just wants to leave it as is. Which is 99% true, but I know 99% of ex-lovers who remain don’t stay just to sit back and watch a lady grow old. I have tried not to be overly assertive and hope she understands my approach, but she doesn’t seem too. A few times as of late I have plainly stated that I wanted it over. I would feel so much better if she did on her own. I don’t want to control her, I love her and the way she acts. However I don’t know any other approach on this one. I’m just rambling, I know, but I can’t talk with her about it without her getting defensive. I try not to be offensive, but I am not always successful. What to do? What to do? I will likely sit here till I have another thought on the subject, then throw it out there. Did I mention that she won’t even talk with him in front of me and hasn’t ever. She does it on purpose. This fact bothers me more than his random all the time text messages. Today is her birthday, I planned an awesome day, who text her at 645 this morning, after she said she already asked him not too…? Yeah, you guessed it. So, she asked me what I wanted her to do about it and asked her to send a plain simple text, “I thought we discussed this already?” She said she would, but now she won’t. She asks me why I’m so insecure about it. However, it’s right here. I just want some closure on this issue. Why do all women seem to have this one ex-guy that they just won’t do away with? I don’t understand it. Guys usually only do it for one reason, (general rule but not always true) for the off-chance that they may get that lady again. Women never, ever think that that’s the way it is, but I’m telling you world, it is. So, here I sit typing a blog to nobody hoping that I will come up with a logical solution, because hope just ain’t doing it for me.
Communication may be the issue… I thought about this angle in the midst of a un-necessary, yet satisfying shower. Although I am normally hailed for my superior communication skills, I may be just too overly emotional about this issue to communicate my feelings effectively. My feelings bottom line, in the cliff note version include him falling off the edge of the planet. I know, I know, it’s not a very nice thing to think. Yet, if he would just disappear all my current issues would also. So, how can I communicate this effectively to her. I don’t want her to be heartless to her friend. I just want their relationship to end. Which I know in itself is not a very good thing for me to want. It’s selfish, but the feelings overwhelm me. She says she wants to conclude it her way, but of course with me now where around and with no way of knowing it’s actually done. How do I know the communications stop? She already says she could just stop telling me, which makes me incredibly uncomfortable. So how do I know? How do I communicate my desire to know? What signals that it is over to me? How do I know she isn’t hiding him from me? Then the “trust” questions comes into play. Do I trust her? Yes. Do I trust her on this issue? Not entirely. Herein lies the root problem and the basis for my insecurity. I knew that talking would inevitably get me to it, now to resolve it. Should I just let her read this? Will it just make it worse? I am not concerned that she would ever cheat on me. I trust her there. I trust her to mother my kids. I trust her with all my worldly belongings and finances. I don’t trust him at all and based off her secrecy, I have no good reason to. She says that her secrecy is based on knowing how upset I would be about it, but she was secretive out the door. Her failure to communicate straight up with me in the beginning made me a monster on this issue and now I scare myself. I’m gonna show her before I say anything else.
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