A few months ago my psychologist described my personal life as a “empty house.” I was screaming down a path towards suck starting a firearm and I didn’t know where I was going to pull off the side of the mental road and take a break. I am thankful that I have pulled out in front of that portion of my life.
I want a family of my own. I was /am tired of returning from difficult assignments and finding myself alone, very alone. Single life was the best thing going up until the past 18 months or so. Bouncing from woman to woman just seemed to be what I was destined to do. However the last year has brought me to a realization, I want a family of my own. I want a wife to come home to. I want my smile back. I want the same passion I have about my work to finally be useful from 5-9.
A few months ago I got a dog, Cheetah. I am so glad I made that decision. Unconditional love cannot be beat. Her and I talk a lot. Come to find out, she is a great listener.
I have mentioned the new girl friend a few times now. We are moving along nicely. We are still getting to know one another, but we are already very comfortable with one another. I welcome it. I have already given her my trust. I know I have made this mistake before and vowed never to do it again. But I have come to realize over the years and hundreds, well thousands of dates, that all I can do is open up, be me and listen for the signals of love or betrayal. If I get hurt I will get over it. But if I find the right heart and it works out, the payoff will be monumental. I have nothing to lose.
My professional life is at a all time high. My personal life has just begun to effect it adversly in the last 6 months. However, even with the adverse affect of my shitty mental status, I can still out perform most anyone at the office. By the end of this year I will be back to untouchable.
God continues to evade me. It’s something I desire, but I find it hard to believe. I have a great book on faith that I am slowly reading thru. I think that as I slowly get my life anxiety back down to mangable levels, I will be able to pick up where I left off.
Tags: anxiety, depression, dog, family, god, Relationships
Recent Comments