Another Dream

A few months ago my psychologist described my personal life as a “empty house.” I was screaming down a path towards suck starting a firearm and I didn’t know where I was going to pull off the side of the mental road and take a break. I am thankful that I have pulled out in front of that portion of my life.

I want a family of my own. I was /am tired of returning from difficult assignments and finding myself alone, very alone. Single life was the best thing going up until the past 18 months or so. Bouncing from woman to woman just seemed to be what I was destined to do. However the last year has brought me to a realization, I want a family of my own. I want a wife to come home to. I want my smile back. I want the same passion I have about my work to finally be useful from 5-9.

A few months ago I got a dog, Cheetah. I am so glad I made that decision. Unconditional love cannot be beat. Her and I talk a lot. Come to find out, she is a great listener.

I have mentioned the new girl friend a few times now. We are moving along nicely. We are still getting to know one another, but we are already very comfortable with one another. I welcome it. I have already given her my trust. I know I have made this mistake before and vowed never to do it again. But I have come to realize over the years and hundreds, well thousands of dates, that all I can do is open up, be me and listen for the signals of love or betrayal. If I get hurt I will get over it. But if I find the right heart and it works out, the payoff will be monumental. I have nothing to lose.

My professional life is at a all time high. My personal life has just begun to effect it adversly in the last 6 months.  However, even with the adverse affect of my shitty mental status, I can still out perform most anyone at the office. By the end of this year I will be back to untouchable.

God continues to evade me. It’s something I desire, but I find it hard to believe. I have a great book on faith that I am slowly reading thru. I think that as I slowly get my life anxiety back down to mangable levels, I will be able to pick up where I left off.

Anxiety, what a bitch…

So, I’m seeing the doc once or twice a week. I am improving, but this shit still sucks. A few more months and hopefully life will plain out.

I moved into my dream job this week. It is the job I have built my entire career around. I am so pumped, which unfortunately I sometimes confuse with anxiety. I also fear anxiety arising around the new office. 270 men demand on me to be at my best all day everyday.

So, new girl is awesome, just like I stated before. I guess I have just developed a complex. I find myself so concerned that she will just walk away. She even stated that I was doing great, but I still find myself worried. It is amazing though, when I am not being stupid, I can see myself with her forever.

I’m not hoping, because hope is for shitbirds who never get anything. I am going to win.

New Girl, Part 2

I am totally hooked on her.

Dreams come true

On Tuesday of next week I will move into the job that I have been dreaming of my entire career. It is such a big responsibility that I am unsure of exactly how I will tackle the task at hand. However I cannot wait to get started. I hope that I am man enough to do the job.

The Weekend

Another weekend is over… Another weekend that I did not accomplish as much as I would’ve liked. However, at least I am back to accomplishing something. There was a while there that weekends ended the same way they began. I am looking forward to having the old me back.

New Job and New Girl= awesomeness

Employment / life update

In exactly 2 weeks I will move into the position at work that I have been dreaming about for most of my adult life. It is a position I feared when I was a young man. I have watched leaders, both real and fake come and go from the job. Now it is my turn. Everyone who knows me says that I am perfect for the job, that I have the potential to be great. I hope I an live up to thier expectations.

Facebook has become an addiction for me.

This girl has the potential. I’m already trying to hold myself back from going too fast.

I finally got a dog. I haven’t been writing here very much so I figured I would update the world. Thank god for that dog. Her and I talk a lot. Well actually she is a great listener. I do most of the talking.

Anxiety officially runs my life. I am seeing a doctor, but I have a long road to hoe.

New Girl

First off, Thank goodness! I was beginning to think I was an outcast from all females.

However into my life walks this beautiful girl with a great head on her shoulders. She is just crazy enough to, not only tolerate, but actually like me. I like her too!